yesterday i'm too tired to blog. =p
hmm. i had my oral yesterday. the teacher is mdm tan. hahas.
when i came out of 3/7 , gosh. he was standing outside his classroom. being punished of course.
then i was like cannot concentrate on the passage. but then overall still okays.
heavy rain. so i was drenched. extremely wet.
okays. back to today.
i was quite happy with my test results except for one geography test which i failed with 5/15.
the other tests, physics, chemistry and the one geography test. i pass with high A1s. hahas.
after school, i went to white sand with qiaoyan, jingming, aaron and weijie.
we wanna buy the A3 file and black papers for DnT folio.
end up due to some reasons, the popular in white sand was closed till 28 may.
so we went to tampines mall.
we took MRT to tampines. at this time, i heard something which i shouldn't know in the 1st place. he like bixuan. this is what aaron and weijie said.
it hurt my heart. it hurts badly. i tried not to cry at the time. but i was pretty quiet which the others know what happened.
anyway, i spend all my money. hahas. i help jingming and weijie to pay first.
tomorrow i will be loan shark. hahas.
then when we went back to school, i realised that he haven't went home yet.
at that time, we cannot use our classroom because some people are having test.
so the 5 of us sat outside 3/7.
he came out and asked me what i have bought.
i mean like is not his fault but then he really talk to me at the wrong time when i was going to cry lerhs.
i was holding back my tears till when seekhei they all come out and talked to qiaoyan and joel came out.
they knew that i was moody. end up my tears roll down my cheeks.
when he came out, i turned and look at qiaoyan.
after that i went to sit outside the girls toilet.
qiaoyan, jingming and aaron were looking at me. crying.
after i wipe off my tears, i went to 3/7 classroom.
i think that joel and weixing seems to know that i cry.
well, think he also don't what happened bahs.
anyway, tomorrow is my dooms day.
i know that i'm not good enough for you.
but my feelings will not change.
simply depressed.

nothing much. yesterday steve, junyuan, gerald and desmond stay overnight at my house. steve and gerald went home at about 5am + hahas.
the other 2 guys went home at 3pm +
hmm. anyway, i think what jeremy told my sisters and joey was right.
junyuan seems to still like me.
i'm confused. in between this 2 guys.
one is stead the longest and the one who treat me the best.
the other is the one whom i now 'crazy' over.
well, i don't wanna talk about these things. make me more confused and headache.
i cried yesterday. all thanks to my idiotic sister who throw my precious stuff toy doggy around till one eye drop. shit her. whatever.
i never go for my tuition class. i'm too tired. didn't get to sleep well at night. hahas.
i'm confused. i simply cannot get over you.
i really miss you.
simply confused.

such an unpleasent day. i'm going to flunk my DnT test for sure.
well, i don't wanna elaborate what really happened in that stupid test. it makes me sick.
because of many things happening around me, i cried on our way back to the class after DnT lesson. i hope that people from 3/7 and 3/8 don't see that. especially 3/8 people.
i'm really very depressed. i cut myself again. i cried bitterly in class.
luckily there is qiaoyan with me. the other people in the class were shocked to see me crying as i always show them the happy side of me.
well, then recess i cried again. i was talking to elizabeth and i don't why. i just simply feel like crying. i'm very sad. i ran to the toilet with qiaoyan so that i won't cry in the canteen.
i don't wanna let the guys sitting in front of us see me crying. just simply because he was sitting there. i don't wanna let him see me cry.
hmm. anyway, today junyuan, iman, steve and desmond come to my house.
well, it has been such a long time since i broke up with junyuan.
nothing lahs. they just come my house play as usual.
then at night i cry again lohs. this time is i hugged junyuan cry. [no other special meaning]
he know me the best so i don't mind let him see the ugly side of me.
i think i cry for quite long bahs.
hmm. they went home at 11 plus i think. hahas.
i don't wanna let you see me crying. i will always show my smiling side to you. =)
siimply can't stop crying.

hmm. yesterday after i came home, imediately i fell asleep.
i never eat my dinner and sleep till the next morning. that apply to my sisters too.
we slept for about 13 hours. hahas. thats very long.
nothing really special happened yesterday bahs.
i didn't get to see him after school as he got English oral. =(
oh ya. got the NAPFA test. haven't complete yet. still left with inclined pull up.
all the others i score 5 point except for sit and reach.
though i improved alot from 30+ to 43cm, but then i cannot reach 45cm to get 5 points.
nevermind. at least the 2.4km run i improved from 14:51 mins to 12:49 mins.
okay, back to today's events.
hmm. don't think that there was anything very important happened bahs.
today got physics and chemistry. oh ya, still got one more last minute test. chinese listening. but that is nothing lahs. not very important anyway.
physics test, i got confident that i can score well in that paper. =)
well, chemistry too. but then i make careless mistake that i lost 3 marks. =(
actually is very easy de. but then too careless and forgetful.
next time, no mistake is allowed unless i really don't know how to do. =p
hmm. mrs ong never come today, so ms seow take over.
she was so surprised that i never fall asleep today. then i told her because i slept for 13 hrs yesterday. she was like, shocked i think.
others should be nothing bahs. except for the geography. the presentation that qiaoyan,yuanshan and i did was horrible. not because that we speak very soft or what but is that we wrote the wrong information. shit.
well, overall just passed lohs.
hmm. then today 3/7 and 3/8 got chinese oral. i waited for joey and elizabeth.
well, i definitely saw him of course. i didn't know why, i don't dare to look at him and just simply cannot smile.
luckily, with joey and elizabeth help, i can do it. though elizabeth was kinda of mood swing.
then when they were having oral, i was sitting outside my class talking with lihui and yizhen.
the same old story that i repeat with some of my close friends over and over again.
anyway, i wanna thanks lihui and yizhen for their moral supports!
after that, i went home with joey and elizabeth. it was raining heavily in the afternoon.
we shared one umbrella so we are partially drenched. hahas.
i fall sick lahs. hahas. well, i'm very depressed today.
feel like cutting myself. but then luckily joey stop me. i really hope that tomorrow i will got fever.
i love you too much that i can't stop loving you though i'm covered with wounds.
my heart is shattered. will you ever mend it?
really miss days we have. hope that miracles will fall on us.
simply tired and depressed.

haiz. today so unlucky due to many things lahs. well, in class i nearly fell asleep in class. ms foong's geography class is definitely very boring.
i tried not to sleep. hahas. i wanna be good girl for once listening to her lesson. =p
but that caused me nearly fell asleep in physics class too. which never happen to me before.
hmm. anyway, this week got 6 tests altogether. oh gosh. DnT test this friday. i'm going to fail for sure. argh. i really hate theory.
hmm. then after recess time, 3/6 and 3/8 was walking together back to class.
actually i was sitting at the back. but unexpected that in front of qiaoyan and i was NO ONE.
we got to cover up lohs. then is like we walked with 3/8 like 4 in a row.
qiaoyan stand nearer to 3/8. then was like jeremy was beside her.
fiona said this : qiaoyan, you should move aside let selina stand there mahs.
then i was like very quiet due to what happened yesterday.
qiaoyan : fiona, don't say lerhs. shh...
then was like qiaoyan move aside because she wanna talk to someone.
then is like out of sudden, fiona pushed me.
if is not because of qiaoyan pulled my sleeves and i get balance, i will knock into him directly.
qiaoyan told her not to push me as she can sense that i'm kinda of angry already.
this is simply too much already. well, it may be just a joke but also don't do such stuff right.
what if i really fall down and hurt myself? this is not something very nice to do.
then is like 3/8 seems to be walking very slow and he tried to push his friends to walk faster [i heard from qiaoyan de as i never notice. ]
after that is like i think is accidentally de. his friends, don't know who lahs. pushed him and nearly knock into me lohs. fiona saw that and she make a sacarstic remark.
fiona : this time is not i push one de arhs. is other people push de.
is like so loud till other people also can hear. at this point, i'm kinda of pissed off.
then i talk to qiaoyan till we reached our class lohs.
i don't really take it to heart as fiona didn't know what happened yesterday. well but then those remarks can just simply keep it to her own right?
then worse thing is, qiaoyan says that he seems to see my 'black' face lohs. dead.
but then, what is done is done lohs. nevermind.
then after school i went to mac with joey. then something unpleasent happened in between which i don't wanna mention.
i don't know how to face you. but i will never change my mind.
smile always. =) i will always love you. <3
siimply tired and pissed off.

well. i am so tired. i never sleep for the entire night just to study for the social study test. hahas.
hmm. though i am tired, i don't really fall asleep in class lahs. except for maths and english.
today got English oral exam. i'm dead this time. really DEAD.
the examiner keep asking me the same question. that means i never answer to the point.
sure fail lohs. i'm dead for sure.
then after oral, i'm waiting for joey. then she waited for elizabeth.
hmm. actually wanna wait for miaochan and yenling. in the end never because elizabeth got to go back. then at this time, he come down.
elizabeth and joey asked me to say hi to him. hahas.
well, i didn't. but he approached us 1st. and we end up going to have our lunch together instead having with joey.
we went to white sand. well. on the bus, something really bad happened.
we were chatting about school stuffs and was like after that joey told elizabeth something.
i knew that thing and i'm not suppose to say anything.
firstly, i was like very nervous. next, i was like very agitated about the things that joey says.
so i accidentally say out the person's name and say that he is an idiot.
well. i didn't know that by this, jeremy will know what were we talking about.
then joey was saying that : selina. you are not supposed to say.
opps. well. i didn't realised at 1st. but that reveal nothing much.
then is like he make a comment something like this : even you don't want to say but people will say it behind your back.
well. i don't mean it lohs. what he is trying to imply that i got a big mouth.
kinda of bad. well. i'm speechless.
then in the mac i went down to buy things for elizabeth and joey. jeremy went to shop for something i think.
well, he never eat and after that he just went off.
hmm. i'm kinda of worry about the comment he had made.
anyway. sorry joey. though you never blame me. thanks for your understanding. =)
i will always love you. i'm changing for you. <3
siimply tired and worry.

so tired... sleep all day long. ZzZzZz....
i really miss him. waiting for miracles to fall on us.
i will always love you. <3
siimply love him.

well. today is a half day for school. yeah. only got physics, english and chinese lessons.
but then i got to go to school at 3+ for the speech day lohs.
hmm. though i was kinda of tired this morning, i managed to stay awake and listen to the lessons. hahas.
chinese lesson is kinda of boring as today the chapter is talking about poems. well, though i must learn since i am participating in the chinese literature competition. it is rather boring for me.
i nearly dozed off during teacher's explaination.
after school, i was like so blur as i'm kinda of falling asleep soon.
and then, HE WALKED PAST ME!
my sister say hi to him and i just give him a blur look without saying anything.
for goodness sake. i scared he say i give him attitude mans.
oh well. that thing next monday then say bahs.
oh ya. next monday i got EL oral exam. well. his class is not the same day as my class.
it is pretty disappointing. sob sob...
i went back home to put my things and take a bath before going out.
i meet yixi and yihuan at mac. we ate our lunch there.
then we meet peijun in the bus lohs.
well, it is kinda of boring and cold in the hall. mr ong sure talks alot in the hall. he talked more than 15 mins i guess.
well. the other programme is okay lahs.
haiish. i miss him alot. he go church camp. =(
hmm. i go home at about 8pm. i went to my house downstairs.
i'm late already so i decided not to go for taekwondo class.
well. the pattern and the commands change lerhs. i'm dead. how am i supposed to prepare for the grading in July.
i miss you alot. didn't get the chance to talk to you.
i will always love you. <3
simply tired and miss him lots.

yesterday too tired lerhs so never blog. hahas.
hmm. start about yesterday's event. nothing much. just that we got training.
and foil training was CANCELED. this is absolutely unfair mans.
well. whatever it was. who cares. hmm. the hall was occupied with many people there.
but too bad we cannot play captain ball caused not enough people. so play 'monkey' lohs.
then is like. omg. he bang into me several times. accidentally though.
after that we shifted to AVA room then the dance studio and then back to the hall.
cause the places are either out of bounce or being used.
then we do footwork there. the funny thing was that when i was doing footwork, i was standing beside him in opposite direction. then was like we attack at the same time and bang into each other. hahas.
after that we went to the gym room. just siimply do sit-ups and weight lifting.
and then home sweet home. hahas.
well today. nothing much happened. just that i have to go to the stupid speech day rehersal.
hmm. oh ya. DnT lesson that time very funny.
no teacher was there anyway.
after keeping all the things, we still have some time before going back to class.
we played arm westling. weijie compete with keith.
to be fair, weijie used a finger and keith used the whole hand of course.
hahas. the most funniest part is that weijie's face turned red as he had to use strength.
then i challanged keith. of course i used one finger. but my arm hurts lohs.
in the end, i still win. hahas.
after lessons must go eat something then report for the speech day rehersal.
kinda of boring though. i'm being forced to go. whatever.
cursed that chin kiat. hahas. not really his fault anyway.
okiies lahs. singing song. though kinda of pathetic when we got to clap at certain point of the speech. hahas. i went home at 5 +. i went home with peijun, yihuan and yixi. hahas. tomorrow is the actual event.
hmm. today i never talk to him or see him except for PE lesson.
pathetic right? hahas. hope tomorrow will be a good start for me.
i will always love you.
siimply tired and happy.

hmmm. firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!
my mummy turned 37 years old today. hahas.
but too bad she never come back home so cannot celebrate with her.
well. today is kinda of an unlucky day for me. not really very unlucky.
in the morning on the way to school, i saw a dead rat covered with BLOOD on the road.
my sister and i was so terrified that we ran away.
next, when we were at the bus stop, we saw miaochan.
she seems to be very tired and restless as her eyes were watery in the morning.
in the bus. halfway through our journey to school, she cried in a sudden.
i was shocked and didn't know what to do. it happened too sudden lerhs.
then followed by our maths lesson. today, 4 teachers came into the classroom.
two of them is definitely mdm suliha and mr jason.
our guest for today are mr john lin and my arch enermy, mrs see.
i hate her to the core. just because of her big mouth, i nearly get into trouble last year for bgr case. whatever. i will show her my very BEST behaviour.
i talked to qiaoyan in class and she looked at me in class. oh come on, look all she wants. i don't give a damn.
then after lesson, she asked priscilla to pull up her socks and asked me to pin up my hair. well. i'm not surprised that she knows my name.
hmm. recess time when i came out from the ladies, i turned and asked qiaoyan to be faster.
when i turned back, i saw him. he was just RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
my heart nearly stop. my goodness.
hmm. back to the mrs see thingy. i asked mdm suliha.
well, she is really very busybody to ask about my things, though mdm suliha says is just some general questions. nevermind. ask all she wants.
hmm. then after school got meeting. well nothing much. tomorrow is my last training till after exam.
when i walked out of school with joey, my sister, yixi , yihuan and peijun, i saw him at the 358 bus stop. he seems to be purposely say goodbye to joey in front of me.
well. whatever. he is not gonna to change my mind. i will not give up and this is my last and final decision.
anyway, my sister told me that when we came out of the hall after meeting, he got take a glance at me and after that, head down and walk.
well, actually i do notice that he sometimes glance somewhere around at my direction.
maybe is i think too much lerhs. hahas.=p
after that joey, my sister and i went to mac to have lunch and study.
i got tuition afterwards. well, i am the only girl in the tuition class as fiona cannot make it today.
nevermind. hahas. then i bring both of my sisters to see doctors as they are unwell.
so boring. tomorrow i will be going to school ALONE. hahas.
whatever you do, i will not change my decision.
i will not lose. i love you. <3
siimply tired.

haiz. today is the 7th. a happy day for joey and gawaine. congrats. =)
a bad day for me as i this actually is the 2nd month.
and of course. a bad day for my sister madeline. curse that shaun lee.
well. the things of my sister is confidential of course. whatever.
today i got gastric pain as from yesterday lunch till now i only eat biscuit and drink milo and i straight away go for training as no time for us to eat.
the training also very tough. cannot free fence today as i think there is something wrong with the socket.
so all the way we were doing footwork. hit target. jump skipping rope. leaning against the wall (sitting position). squat down and walked and rabbit jump.
this is the most scariest training i had ever have.
500 skips. though i finished it but it is extremely tiring.
hit target 150 times. oh god. my arm hurts.
leaning against the wall plus squat down walking and rabbit jump. like hell. my leg hurts.
when i take an afternoon nap. my left leg cramp. it hurts.
haiz. today he told me sister something. i don't know what to say already.
though i will not give up but this really hurt my feeling alot.
why can't he be more understanding for some issues?
i cried of course. till i sleep. i really feel like cutting myself.
i love you. but should you hurt me that way?
you never tell me what you think, how am i supposed to know what you want?
i always tried to give in to you but is this what i get?
haish. whatever it is, i will always love you. <3
siimply exhausted.

hmm. today i'm very tired. i wanted to sleep in class but the ms seow keep disturbing me.
argh. the teachers never come to school doesn't makes any difference.
the ms foong also lohs. never come also asked we all to copy so many answers.
i forgot to bring dictionary to school. it was for the chinese test.
i borrow from joseph. thanks god. hahas.
the chinese test was kinda of challenging as i could not think of many things to write.
i don't really use the dictionary. only use it once or twice bahs.
then after chinese class was recess.
after i returned the dictionary. i saw him outside his class. and. i SMILE at him.
i did it. hahas. hmm. then he suddenly talked to me which surprised me.
he asked me whether i have dictionary not. and i apologised and said don't have.
after i walked past him. i told joey and qiaoyan : i should have bring my dictionary to school.
hahas. and they laughed at me.
hmm. today no training. but i stayed back in school.
well. just for fun nahs. i just wanna see him. and of course. keep an eye on my sister.
luckily qiaoyan accompany me. hahas.
he went for training today. i should have go. nevermind. hahas.
today i take a break. not to think of him too much and relax myself just for once.
i went to qiaoyan's house. for fun of course.
using computer lohs. her new specs is nice. but she doesn't seems to like it.
hahas. but i managed to see her wear the specs. it looks pretty on her. =p
when you need me, i will always be there for you.
i will always love you. <3
siimply relax.

boring. yeah. today training canceled.
wahahaha. finally can rest. i'm so tired.
hmm. PE kena punished by the mr san. whatever. who cares. running nia.
then after PE. we queue up at the parade ground.
i can see him from my diagonal view. i didn't know at 1st till when i was talking to sabrina who was sitting behind me.
well. i don't know whether is i think to much. but then we kinda of got eye contact. for a few times bahs.
after PE is english lesson. ms seow take over. of course. she was kena disturb by me.
hahas. then for DnT. mr loh is too busy to come to our class. so the instructors take over.
i was slacking with michelle since mr loh is not around. anyway it was such a long queue that we don't wanna waste our time standing down there to wait.
i'm extremely afraid of the machines. i asked qiaoyan to help me in the end.
then like the lesson is so boring
oh ya. michelle. don't teach your elder sister bad thing wors.
you are right. cutting myself will leave very ugly mark on my hand. hahas.
well i scratch my hand with my scissors again. a longer mark. =(
for maths. we talked about the stupid class fund and the staying back thingy.
whatever it is. why do we need to do all the dirty jobs when all the malays except for some was not in class. why must we do all this shit for them.
this is absolutely ridiculous.
whatever. the thinner smell is too strong. i hate it. so i did nothing except for scratching off the paint mark on my table.
and after that i went out of the class immediately to get fresh air. it really stinks.
he came into my class. i don't know why. but i'm kinda of very happy.
i talked to him today. yeah. hahas.
he seems to be in a good mood. but then i was having a hard time hiding my scratches.
hmm. anyway. i think things are getting better bahs. =)
then after that i went to central with joey. my sister and qiaoyan for lunch.
we having a good time chatting there. hahas.
as long i see you smile, i will be happy too.
i will always love you. <3
siimply happy and tired.

today nothing special happened. just that i'm very sleepy.
maybe it is due to the few days ago when i hardly get to sleep.
hahas. i remember something. today almost 3/4 of the class never do their geography homework.
including me of course. then we kena chase out of the class doing our work.
we chit chating outside and she nearly angry to death. served her right.
who ask her lesson to be so boring. hahas. we waste about 50 minutes.
she said :"if your parents asked what you people doing in geography lesson, go and tell them you people watse time doing colour." who cares anyway.
oh damn. tomorrow the whole class have to stay back to finish the painting.
is not that i'm against the malay students lahs. but then is they are the ones who started the class decoration.
just because they stop halfway then we have to stay back.
i mean like if we discussed and all decide together then i nothing to say.
but then is they decided all the design lohs. well is not really their fault also.
all because of the suliha. make us stay back.
i will run away mans. i don't give a damn.
the self study period is definitely very boring.
hmm. i spent my break time in the class. staring into empty spaces.
though our relationship is improving. i still feeling very depressed.
i don't know why but i end up taking a scissor to scratch my left hand.
not cut but scratch. it leaves marking on my hand. till now haven't disappeared.
sorry qiaoyan. think i scare you in class.
then i show it to pearlyn. joey and annette.
they 'scold' me in the end. haiz.
sorry pearlyn. joey and annette. i don't mean to make you guys worry about me.
think i better not to do it again if not joey will cut herself. then gawaine will also cut.
joey and annette told me that things are getting better. they asked me not to do silly things.
okiies gurls. i promise i will not repeat my mistake.
when i was on the way home. i saw rachael at mac with her friend.
i didn't know at 1st till she called me. well nothing much lahs.
we just have a small chat at mac.
i went home after that to take a short nap. so tired. ZzZzZz.
sorry. i don't mean to hurt anyone whom i love.
girls. i 'm sorry about this. i 'm just feeling depressed.
i love you. do you understand how i feel?
simply tired and depressed.

haiz. a week and 2 days have passed.
this makes me feel really very bad. especially at saturday.
i wanna cry but no tears coming out from my eyes.
my eyes are very tired. not in that sense that i want to sleep but that tired of crying.
i have no choice but to swollow all the discomfort into the bottom of my heart as i have to keep my smile on my face.
i really don't know what to do right now. feeling very depressed.
hmm. anyway. nothing special really happened today except that mr razak looking for me during my maths lesson.
i thought i have done something wrong. but actually he just wanna chat about my family affairs due to my sisters.
he asked many questions lahs. even when my parents divorced all this he also wanna know.
fine. just ask all he want. i also don't really care about this issue.
the worst thing is he asked me to have a chat with the school councilor. which i don't really like it. i never turn up anyway.
hmm. next is mrs ong never come for the entire week. excluding today of course.
then is that i hate the ms woon. damn her.
there is lead(IV) but yet she says that the table she gave us don't have. i mean like so what. she also never say cannot use lohs.
after school i went to central to have lunch with joey. i eat alot.
i realised that after i break with him i tend to eat alot. especially craving for chocolates.
haiz. then after that got training.
i tried to talk to him. it suceed but i feel that kinda strange.
it don't really feel like before. haiiz.
oh ya. talking about training. i'm absolutely very unlucky today.
1st. daniel kicked the ball and hit my head when i was chatting with peijun.
2nd. playing captain ball. i was running around and i fell down.
3rd. a bruise on my hand.
haiz. then peijun and i after finished fencing for 5 mintues. we go to the secret place to slack.
mr neo not there anyway. who cares?
then suddenly got heavy rain. oh gosh. how am i supposed to go to tuition class. hahas.
i skipped in the end.
well. he got start a conversation with me. better than nothing.
but i don't know why i still feel very sad in my heart. like lemon lohs.
i hugged yixi. unfortunately. no tears.
then the stupid rain. i'm afraid of thunder.
i'm confused. haiz.
today seems to be my bad luck day.
oh ya. gerald. you shouldn't feel so bad after all. she doesn't hate you.
she talks to you as a good friend. don't worry so much kayys.
your situation is never worse than mine.
though we cannot cry. but we must be strong.
i know you feel very bad. like very sour.
but we really have to try to keep a smile on our face. SMILES.
though you talked to me today, i still feeling very sad.
i don't know why. i tried my best to put on a very best smile when i see you.
but i don't think i make it. i'm sorry. i will try the next time.
miss you alot. i love you. <3
siimply tired of crying.