today. nothing special happened.
just that after school qiaoyan and i was made to stay back as we never finish our maths graphs.
then we have a small talk with mr jason.
actually he is a quite a nice person. but then i don't really like maths.
then after that there is training. yeah. mr neo not around.
during the game. i was talking to christina and peijun.
about the eugene chua's things. he is very the busybody. whatever.
then the funny part of the game was that i was snatching the ball with daniel.
i get the ball already then daniel run to me. screaming here and there. so scary.
hmm. nothing lohs. i was like laughing and smiling the whole day.
ya right. real smiling and laughter. nobody knows that behind the smile and laughter was my tears. i'm crying in my heart.
i don't want him to feel guity or whatever.
though i got talked to him. but then i really don't know what to say.
when i see him very close to crystal. i was kinda of jealous.
haiz. i talking to peijun the whole day doesn't mean that i never look around.
then i fence with daniel. i anyhow fence de. not in a very good mood.
i tried not to show my mood swing. don't know whether is it sucessful.
i lost to daniel 15-1. worse than last time.
can't believe that mr neo talked to annette. for goodness sake.
haiz. i'm really very sad. especially nicholas remind me about him when he saw me at the bus stop.
oh ya. i didn't get the chance to wish him good luck for sunday's competition. i never go and support. though so far the competition we have participate i got go and support him.
i know. i 'm running away from reality. but what can i do?
well. nevermind. i will ask daniel to help me to pass my wishes to people who are competition.
i'm crying in my heart. do you hear the sound of shattered heart?
my heart is filled with sadness and jealousy.
though you told me that we are good friends. but it doesn't seems so.
now we have nothing to talk about. seems to be trying to avoid each other's eyes.
yeah. i'm smiling. i'm laughing. but do you know how much i went through just to cover my own sadness? i'm trying very hard.
i'm sorry. i love you. <3
simply sad.

today. mr neo NEVER come. hurayy. hahas.
hmm. today joey cried. because of mr shafie.
he said something which is very humiliating and is overboard.
furthermore. he said it to joey in front of the WHOLE class.
which is too much already. haiz.
see her cry really makes me feel sad too. she is really very unlucky to have mr shafie as her hometutor.
hmm. i today got talk to him. he started the conversation first.
though nothing much but i am already sastisfied.
wenxin also got asked me whether we are okay lerhs.
she ask him first. but he said don't know lehs. what does this imply?
hahas. mm. then was like after school i stay back for awhile.
after sabrina and qiaoyan went off lerhs. joey and i talked to annette.
we know that someone in fencing is a spy. a girl some more. can't believe that the girl will automatically walk up to mr neo and tell him things.
today i am quite tired. almost fall asleep in geography class. hahas.
tomorrow got training. oh god. i am really very tired. though i can see him. =p
think i got to take a rest now. ZzZzZz...
seeing you happy is my happiness.
talking to you is a precious moment for me.
i'm waiting for you. i will always love you. <3
siimply tired and happy.

hmmm. well. today i am feeling okays. better lerhs.
i talked to him today. though i never say about the breaking up thing.
hahas. at least i feel better and comfortable talking to him.
wenxin told me something. not suppose to say.
i can't imagine that mr neo knows about us long ago.
but since jeremy said that the confront is about 3 weeks ago. why should he mention it today.
anyway. now the both of us are back to good friends.
of course. that doesn't mean i give up already. i will NEVER give up.
after i talked to both of my twin sisters. i know that i got many bad points.
from now onwards. i have to change my attitute towards everyone.
i must be more gentle and smile always. i will stop my vulgarities. hahas.
i will control my temper. i will NEVER scold people just because i am bad mood lerhs.
i am willing to change for him. hope that he will notice.
hahas. hmm. today the geography test is not really that difficult.
i tried my best to memorize last minute. at least i remember most of the points.
DnT. i am trying my best to like the subject. =p
thanks to joey. qiaoyan. seekhei. yixi. wenxin. annette. michelle. lihui. fiona. yuanshan. elizabeth. and of course. my sisters. i am alright now. =)
i love you. i'm waiting for you. changing for you.
sorry for the things that i have done.
i will never give up the hope.
ILOVEYOU. be a bettter person. <3
siimply love him.

argh. i HATE the world. the world is UNFAIR to me.
many bad things happened to me in a short time.
stupid mr neo. biased bloody shit. i never get to go to the national trails.
haiz. today i cried again. i really don't know when i will stop crying.
joey and qiaoyan they all keep on remind me not to cry. but i just can't help it.
the moment i see him i really feel like crying.
the break time before self-study. i saw him. unintentionally.
i cried in the end as i'm so nervous.
after self study. joey asked him to come out so that i can talk to him.
i'm really speechless at that time. i don't know what to say. my mind was like total blank.
after joey persuade me. then i willing to talk to him.
for the conversation. i keep looking away. to avoid eye contact if not i will really breakdown.
i never look like his expression. i am afraid.
he talked to me. apologised to me and said that he cannot cheat me anymore.
he said it in a way like as if nothing happened in the past.
i'm kinda of disappointed with the way he talked.
can sorry resolve everything?
he told me many things. but then and don't understand how i feel.
he don't wanna tell me things is because he afraid that it will trouble me.
but if he never mention anything to me. how am i supposed to know what had happened and what he is thinking. i can't be guessing all the time.
i still love him. alot. its not that he can understand.
end up i cannot take it and run to the toilet. i don't wanna let him see me crying.
my eyes were red just now. hope that people don't notice it.
haiz. i heard from some people that he cried on the day when he break with me.
i feel terribly sad. hurt. confused.
i still love you. i really miss you alot. but i cannot express out.
i'm sorry. but i just can't stop crying.
i also don't wanna let you worry about me. therefore i never cry in front of you.
regardless what happened in the future. always remember that.
i will always love you. <3
simply sad. hurt. confused.

haiz. i am very sad. i don't know what to do lerhs.
i cried in class twice. i know that i shouldn't but just CANNOT control my emotion.
whenever i saw him. i will think of the past. serious.
he doesn't seems to care about me. not even as a good friend.
should this be the way. i don't want it.
but then today i didn't get the chance to talk to him.
he told joey that he is busy. but think tomorrow we will resolve all the misunderstanding bahs.
if it is not beacause of my good friends. i won't be getting better.
all thanks to joey. qiaoyan. elizabeth. fiona. michelle. yuan shan. miao chan. zhi yuan. gerald. gawaine. and not to be forgotten. my sisters. if is not because them. i won't be smiling and try my best to put myself together. i will be like breakdown and do all sorts of foolish things.
despite of what he had done to me. i still love him.
i cannot deny. though gawaine told me that he don't worth my love and time.
but i cannot help it. i really love him lots. <3
many people told me that he is playing with my feelings. but then i really don't know that whether is it true anot as i cannot make a proper judgement right at the moment.
i am very afraid that the thing is true.
many people wanna help me whack him. but whats the point?
i'm serious. haiz. but then this relationship cannot be saved lerhs.
even if there is possibility. we won't be happy.
haiz. i really love you lots. i don't why. i am not being myself since you asked for break up.
i'm sorry. even though i know that we won't be together again.
i just want you to be happy. that will be enough.
i love you my dear. <3
siimply sad.

haiz. the world is unfair. where i have done wrong.
why you don't want to tell me everything and keep everything to yourself.
i really love you lots. but should you hurt me like that.
leave me crying without telling me the reasons.
i know that you are angry with me.
i know everything. but why you just refuse to tell me.
now my eyes are really swollen like mad. like goldfish's eyes.
double eyelid change to single eyelid. my eyes are red and small.
i am always there for you. what about you?
you said that you are busy. cannot accompany me. cannot call me. weekend never contact me.
did i say anything. i may be unhappy but i am definitely not angry with you.
mood swings is very normal kayys. it occurs in every human being.
i didn't mean it. to show you attitude and faces.
i'm sorry. really very sorry. ii want you to come back very badly.
i really love you. i know i am in the wrong. i know that sorry cannot solve everything.
but this is really a very cruel reality to me. i cannot take it.
i really love you. i'm sorry. please give a another chance.
i never ask for anything but only that simply request.
i will change for you. i promise. <3
siimply sad. my eyes damn pain.

so boring today. hahas.
i nearly fall asleep in english lesson. i tried not to. =p
hmm. then the chinese lesson. it seemed to me that the teacher was hurt by what caline say.
but that doesn't mean that what she said was totally wrong.
i personally think that caline went abit overboard as we as a student should some at least a little respect even though the teacher don't worth it.
but then. it is over. no point of saying too much about this issue.
today i have no training. but i went to the hall for nothing. see people fencing and SUFFER.
hahas. just kidding.
hmm. today he was very cold to me. maybe is that i am over sensitive bahs.
but then i end up went to the backstage with joey. hugged her and cry.
i just simply can't help it. i just feel like crying.
when i went out of the backstage. unfortunately. i saw wenxin and yihuan.
they saw my eyes were swollen and red. they were worried about me.
keep on asking whether is it because of jeremy. i definitely say no.
but after crying out. i feel much better.
he told my sister that he will call me tonight.
and of course. he did.
we chat for about 10 minutes. he told me what he is thinking for the past few days.
even though you cannot always accompany me, your care and concern will be good enough for me.
i will always love you. <3
simply love him.<3

today got the 2.4km run. wah. so sudden mans.
so tired. but then i manage to came in 3rd lohs.
hahas. next week i will see the guys suffer. *evil grin*
hmm. today quite okies lahs. nothing much.
but then i fell asleep at DnT. cause it was so boring as there was no practical today.
today got training. it is kinda of tiring but then still all right cause i slack.
not on purpose as my weapon got problem therefore no weapon to fence.
wah. today we play captain ball. then was like jeremy was in my team as there were less girls than boys.
then i was like so blur standing near our goal post.
jeremy was like throwing the ball and i didn't really notice.
and in the end. the ball hit my face. that was very painful.
but then nevermind. at least he had already apologised.
then the stupid joseph. he very what lohs.
in order to prevent me from getting the ball. he suddenly jumped onto the chair and i slide down from it. what is this. i keep getting hurt mans.
what an unlucky day.
then after training. eh. nothing much. i went home with yixi.
i really miss my lao gong alot. <3
simply unlucky.

hmm. today i am so tired. *yawn*
i fell asleep in geography class and ms foong caught me sleeping.
for goodness sake. so many people in the class fell asleep and yet she only called aaron and my name. this is so ridiculous.
hmm. then should be nothing bahs.
the break time before self study. i am speechless.
don't know whether should continue to be angry or should let it be.
elizabeth and i was standing near the staircase chatting away as we don't want to be gooseberry. hahas.
then we chat about jeremy lohs. nothing much.
we chat for a while and then suddenly she told me that he was coming up.
the first reaction was that i run away back to the classroom.
i was so afraid that when i see him. i will be soft-hearted.
surprisingly. he came into my classroom to look for me.
apologised that he never come for training yesterday and asked me whether i am fine.
hmm. i really cannot resist it. he is so good to me mans.
he sit in front of me and help me with my physics worksheet.
then helena they all making lots of noise. keep on calling me mrs yong.
so embarrassing. my god. hahas.
but then too bad after school i don't know where he go.
then i go back with miao chan. we went to mac to have our lunch.
siimply tired and happy.

today is such a boring day. the school reopen and thats the end of our happy holiday.
i am exhausted. angry. sad and sick.
the training makes me feel very tired.
i am angry at the stupid maths training teacher. he is a stalker. he simply sucks.
ask me to pass up homework to him personally or in the pigeon hole.
but how you expect me to give when he was not even there and the pigeon hole don't have his stupid name. damn him.
haiiz. forget about it. no point of getting so agitated. think he should know how i feel bahs.
then i am also very angry with mr neo for being so unreasonable.
we don't have enough weapon to fence. but he insist of setting up 5 pistes.
which it is very troublesome and it is such a waste of time since people will not occupied the place. he is really damn STUPID.
then because of thinking so much about all this stupid stuff.
till i got headached and fall sick.
hope that tomorrow will be a fresh day for me.
siimply tired.

hmm. today got training. but then only 4 people.
jeremy. koon chwan. kenneth and myself.
so boring lohs. mr neo went to esplanade for performing fencing to the royalties of England.
that must be nice. hahas. then the four of us just play skipping rope and do footwork.
eh. then i take individual lesson lohs. it was very tiring.
i had no strength as i didn't eat my breakfast.
then after that was jeremy taking individual. he damn pro mans. hahas.
hmm. yesterday i went out with joey and my sister madeline.
we went to kbox. after that we went shopping together.
too bad jeremy cannot make it. he got projects to do.
but then at least he apologised to me and find time to talk on phone. hahas.
back to today. joey and gawaine come for training at 12pm. they very late wors. cause today we end early.
then we helped to keep all the equipments lohs.
suddenly he apologised to me again. my goodness. i am going to 'melt' soon. hahas.
he is so nice. my god. hahas.
then after that joey and i wait for the bus with gawaine and kenneth. then we went to white sand for lunch. we saw jolin and benjamin soon.
we got nothing to do so we went to shaun lee's house. his house is kinda of. messy. hahas.
he is very funny mans. so blur de. hahas. no comments. hahas.
simply tired and happy.

what a boring day. really nothing to do.
i just simply stay at home and walk around the house doing housework.
then miao chan and yenling come to my house to accompany me.
we just watch a 'horror movie' which was not even scary at all.
hahas. then after that everyone fell asleep. hahas.
hmm. i miss him alot. thinking of him all the time. <3
yeah. tomorrow going to kbox with joey and my sisters.
then after that i will be going out with him.
finally i can spend time with him. it has been awhile that we spend time together mans.
siimply boring.

today i am damn tired siia. the stupid cross country. hahas.
the cheering competition is kinda of stupid lahs.
never win anythiing. who cares. hahas.
then after the competition. we get back our results slip.
phew. i passed my geography. my maths and social studies nearly score an A.
hehes. my combined science get an A. buden i FAILED english and DnT with E8 and F9 respectively. hahas.
hmm. then after school i went to gawaine's house with joey, my sisters and elizabeth.
we went there to put our bags lohs. hahas. gawaine 's childhood photos are damn cute mans.
then after that we went to downtown east to have our lunch. haiz. too bad he was not with us.
sometimes i don't know whether i should get angry anot. for the entire week he never accompany me lohs.
no comments. hahas. getting angry with my stead is not myself. hahas.
eh. then we went to pasir ris park lohs. the weather was damn hot lohs.
the sec 3 girls will start to run. the sun was very hot till i finished my water.
my throat was like damn dry. then just do warm up lohs.
before i run. joey came to me and told me that jeremy wish me good luck.
hahas. now i got my energy sia. hahas. <3
then i run lohs. at first i don't think i am top 20 lahs.
then i overtake some people only.
i run till i overtake sheree, clarissa and mabel.
the netballers very what lohs. meanies mans.
i ran pass them and encourage them to run but yet they like ask their friends to run faster.
must netballers and fencers be enemies.?
my throat is damn pain for me to breath properly. then people started to overtake me and i became 9th position.
yeah. wenxin and annette 1st and 2nd. jeremy got 7th. so surprising mans.
rasyiqah and joey this year never get lohs. the weather's fault.
many fencers get trophy this year.
after the whole event. he accompany me lohs.
on the way to the bus stop we saw many couples. hahas.
siimply tired and happy.

yeah. i am so happy. today is me and my dar dar's 1st month wors.
hahas. after disucssing. we decided that 7th feb is the date we stead.
long story lahs. it is kinda of funny. hahas.
today is also joey and gawaine's 1st month wors. hahas.
we choose the same date. hahas.

too bad i norts with my dar dar. he got to go home mans. hmm. we never say anything much lahs. never really talk in school today except for the break before self studies.
hmm. i thought he left me alone mans. then is like i cannot go and disturb joey and pearlyn mahs. buden at least he got come and look for me lohs.
hmm. now i think of it. my parents come to school today. to see that mr neo.
better give him a lesson mans. he deserve it. hahas.
then because of my sister. i nearly late for school lohs. i reached the school just right before the national song sia.
today after school we got physical training at pasir ris park.
i put my bag at daniel's house. hahas. his house is damn big lohs. very nice.
then after that daniel. gawaine and i go together.
hahas. but nevermind.
mm. then today i ran 4th position lahs. the sec 1-4 girls run together lohs.
i lost to wenxin. annette and roxanne. i think this year the cross country i am able to get top 10.
hahas. then is like i am very tired.
now i am stuck at my cousin house as when i went out to eat dinner. my sister and i never bring the key as i thought my mum going back home with us. argh. stupid thing.
a very happy day for me. i love him forever. <3
siimply tired.

hmm. today got tuition. kinda of boring. so so lahs.
i going out with joey after tuition. hahas.
too bad we norts together with our darlings. hahas.
today is a brand new day for me.
after finished crying. i feel much better.
sometimes i am kinda of selfish. i tend to forget that he is pure sciences student.
i always forget that he got tons of homework to do and many tuitions to attend.
i can't be expecting him to go home with me everyday.
although i never say anything. i think he knows that how i feel.
after he called me yesterday. i feel better. norts that because he called me.
is that he take the initiative to call me WITHOUT my sister or joey asked him to.
i think i shouldn't be selfish lerhs. i must be more understanding. =)
mm. today going to tampines mall to buy wenxin and pearlyn's presents. hahas.
hope that i can buy something bahs. cause i always cannot make up my mind of what to buy.
hahas. kks. hmm. think maybe he will call me tonight or tomorrow afternoon.
ii am looking forward for his call. lols. never call also nevermind lahs. <3
as long i know that he loves me and that will be enough.
siimply in love.