Your Highness , Selina (:

i lost today's competition . i feel absolutely upset .

NOT BECAUSE I LOST BUT BECAUSE I FEEL SOOOOO HELPLESS .

starting at the round robin , i won 2 lost 3 , though i lost to ferlin and yanyu were pretty close ones . i won that chii*naa 5-4 . imagine she can be kena force out of piste for twice . geeee .

i was pretty unlucky to rank in the middle of the 25 people , which is around 17 . worse thing was , i have to fence that chii*naa again .

well , not that i can't win . i swear that if that yellow shirt guy was not around , i think i can win .

put yourself in my shoe . i am the only one standing at the other side without anyone helping but she has someone to guide her . how can i win this way ? i don't even know what's wrong .

when i asked jeremy , that dumbdumb just said this "your bind and parry is like *what the fcuk sign* " this doesn't help at all .

when people have their coach to be around , i don't have . now i am not under zhao or some other coach , no one can give me any advices .

i rather lost to people whom i admit that they are indeed good then to lose to someone whom i can win . i know that even i win , i will lose to ann . but the fact is , i won't feel sad at all because ann is really very strong .

i know i am a little 幸灾乐祸 . but still , i am glad that ann thrashed her 15-2 . served her right . i see if the yellow guy shirt can help much . curse you . geeee .

though i didn't train much , but that does not mean that i can lose my pride at the same time .

i have to admit that i feel very lonely when i represent YJC compared to when i represent PRC for fencing . though my PRC juniors cheered for me today , i still feel very lonely .

i guess if it's not because of the school timetable , i would rather fence under PRC or even DP . haiiz . that can't be help .

i prefer the crowd to cheer for me , coach to guide me and mr neo to scream at me than to stand there like an idiot , looking the opponent being guided by their coach .

still , thanks dear for being there for me and cheer me up . if it's not because of him , i will feel much more worse than the feeling right now .

upset .