Depressed

Here are the photos i grabbed from Terence's blog .

Terence , Ivan and I .


Yiwen , Terence , Ivan and I .


Edmund , Xin Wen , Goldie , Ninja , Yiwen and I .



Goldie , Jerome , Firmanto , Ivan , Terence and I .

Tuesday
I went to dear's house at noon . I ate my lunch before we go to a building somewhere near NUH .
Nowadays , the temperature screening is quite strict . If not , people will have to fill up particulars and paste sticker on themselves .

It's pretty good , at least people will have lesser chance of getting swine flu .

After dear's eyes screening , we went to SP for dinner . We ate Pizza and pasta . Dear was very angry with the woman who served us .

He asked her what is the orleans delight . Well , it's obvious a pasta as stated . Guess what she said ?

"It's a pasta lohhs"

She repeated the same thing , thought that we were damn strange to keep asking the same question over and over again .

After eating , we went to the library to print something . However , the desktop there seems to hate me that much that it rufused to log in . I ended up wasting time till the library closed .

All these while , i was thinking if i should go for cheerleading training , considering that i have competition on friday .

Though dear had asked me not to , i was too stubborn to listen .

I ended up hurting my feet and wrists . Till now , it still hurt . I probably cannot go for cheerleading for a month if they don't recover after MST .

I also got cramps , on my bum . Sometimes i think that they don't have a standard warm up that stretches all part of the body .

Whatever sports that you do , you should stretch everywhere , even though you might not use that muscles .

What i was quite pissed on that day was when everyone was practising hand stand , Jessica had cramps on her thigh .

However , she seems to be too afraid of the captain of giving everyone push up to let me help her to stretch her thigh .

It may cause muscle tear if it's not taken care of .

That's the reason why i not quite like the captain . Why people are so scared of him till neglect their physical body ?

and i got frightened by our president's fall , which she seems to hurt her neck .

Wednesday
I went to dear's house in the afternoon . I stayed there till evening , we went back to Tampines .

We went to print my things , then we looked for the kittens we saw days ago . However , they are gone . My sisters said that they saw them the day before . It's kind of sad not to see them at the bushes .

After that , we went home to put down the things and went to Pasir Ris Park to meet my sisters .

I wasn't very comfortable there as many people smoke . and i wasn't very happy with all the others didn't pay , except for my sisters , sofia and Colleen .

What's worse was one malay girl kept on BBQ-ing the chicken wings from afternoon till night and she kept on eating . She didn't pay anything lahhs .

and she took 4 chicken wings in one go without feeling embarassed . She and her friends wasted food . They even threw a half chicken wing which was half eaten , on the table .

I wonder if their parents teach them manners . No wonder the girl is so fat . The way she behaved explains her size .

I went back early as i have to go to Clementi early in the morning .

Yesterday
I woke up and travelled to Clementi Sports Hall . I reached there on time .

I went there to pass up my fencing license and indemnity form . I stayed there till noon and i went to have lunch with Samuel and Terence .

After that , i went to Dover to meet Edward to borrow a spare blade from him . I waited for more than half an hour then he came . Well , i can't make noise since he is doing me a favour .

I went to Yishun after that . I was spending my time talking to dear's mummy before taking a short nap . I was really tired .

That's all for yesterday .

Today
Ok , I am going to rant for all i care .

This morning , i woke up at 10:15am and i went to brush my teeth . Just right after i came out , Terence called me , saying that i should rush down to Clementi Sports Hall .

Who will expect that they changed the timing and i wasn't notify by anyone ? I only left 10 minutes . Even if i took a cab down , it's impossible to reach there by 10:30am . I need at least 20 minutes to reach there .

I was damn pissed off . I tried to ask Terence if he can help me to plea the people at the DT table . However , they can't as there weren't many fencers for the event .

So who should i blame for the this fault ? Terence said that he thought that Samuel will tell me about it .

At that instance , i was really furious of Samuel for his irresponsibility .

After a few minutes , Samuel called me . He said that he didn't know till at the moment . He didn't receive the email either . He asked me to go down to see if the poule will start later .

However , that will only happen if the event starts with another event , provided if there were many people fencing.

I called Joey and Dear , asking them don't bother to go down to Clementi . Both of them were shocked when i told them about it . They know how important i treat this particular competition .

I cried like mad . The worst senario that has ever happened to me was back in 2005 whereby i was withdraw from the competition a day before the actual event .

However , this is far more worse than the one back then . So who should i blame ? FS , Terence or Samuel ?

The SP fencing club's admin's communication should improve by a big steps .

All the assumptions should be taken away . If everybody assumes , it will be never ending . I wouldn't want anyone to have the same problem as me .

The other thing i was very upset with was because this year's National Juniors Championship , not many national fencers i know of will be fencing , all thanks to A level or over age .

They don't even know how depressed i was at the time . Saying sorry or paying me back my competition fees is not really what i wanted .

What i want was asking them to think why such things will happen .

I don't want them to apologies because they don't know how much they hurt me for this . They don't understand how hard i work , trying to get into national team .

In the past , i didn't get to join many competition . Partially because of my own ability , the biasness back then in PRCS and my health back in sec 4 . I lose out way too much .

Some people , whose name i don't feel like mentioning , said that i should not fence to get into national team , but to fence for fun .

But what's the point of fencing for fun and you didn't achieve anything ?

I feel that i am a failure . Whatever things i do , i don't excel in any of them . Be it running , fencing , piano or what-so-ever .

Even cheerleading , i don't think i am suitable for that . Whatever unhappy stuffs or disagreement to what the people do there , i can't voice out .

I didn't blame anyone for now , since i understand that SP is not yet affliated with FS and hence , Samuel would not have receive emails regarding any updates .

Till now , i am still feeling really depressed . I cried till my eyes are swollen .

People who have achieved something will never understand how i feel .

and i wasted my chance for not applying to work at communicasia 2009 . I didn't apply because i know i have competition .

depressed .